World War Z – a movie review

I just saw the most incredible movie that I have seen in a long time.  It is the best I have seen since White House Down, and that is saying quite a bit.

 

Being forewarned that the movie was all about Brad Pitt Superstar, I decided in the parking lot not to let that little factoid ruin my enjoyment of the movie.  Here is your warning:  if you have not seen the movie, you probably don’t want to read my review because I will tell you ahead of time several of the events in the movie, usually referred to as the plot, but really the plot is not worth mentioning in a movie of this genre.  When the world is ending, that is all you need to know.

 

Because I am probably old enough to be your mom, you know a great deal more about contemporary culture than I do.  I knew nothing until I saw this movie.  One of my neighbors had an undead license plate, and from time to time people under 30 would mention the fact of the upcoming zombie apocalypse, but I thought that they were just kidding or that it was a computer game or something.

 

A short caveat:  I really wanted to see Pacific Rim, but it was on past my bedtime and that is why I went to see World War Z.  I thought as the introductory music played that it must be called Z because it was the very last World War that we would ever have, kind of like Planet of the Apes or something of that nature.

 

About 7/8 of the way through the movie, and I know that this will startle you, the fact that it took me so long, I realized that Z stands for Zombies. If you are one of my kids, that would not surprise you at all.

 

I enjoyed watching the family aspect of the movie in the beginning until it also dawned on me that Brad Pitt’s movie wife did not look like anyone that Brad Pitt would ever marry.  She looked a little, well, old, tired, over thin, unhappy, over thin and well, unhappy.  Honestly, like the kind of person you would not go to coffee with twice unless it was a ministry opportunity, or you were not particularly astute at picking friends who were fun people.  

 

Now, I realize that she endured a zombie apocalypse, but hey, she did not know that when the movie started.  She looked that way from the very beginning, harrowed, or as my husband says, “Rode hard and put away wet.”  Yes, she looked like that award winning Life photo of the woman and child in the dust bowl days.  

 

I decided to suspend my disbelief at what Mrs. Moviestar Pitt looked like because after all after all, the world is about to come to an end.

 

Snickering now, I realize that the world started to end in a giant traffic jam in Philadelphia.  This is another good reason not to live on the East Coast.  In a zombie world apocalypse, you are going to die before all the yahoos who live out in Montana and Idaho.  Plus, most of us have guns and almost as much ammunition as the people in Texas.

 

Because the U.S. Government was not really operational and D.C. was shut down (sounds like today), the U.N was running everything and Brad Pitt was a former U.N. employee who was good at going to dangerous places and coming back looking unshaven and less harrowed than his wife, so he was yanked back into service to save EVERYBODY IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

 

I really have your attention now, because, I mean, who could really do that any better than Brad PItt?

 

I’ll tell you how he did it.  He did it by flying around the world in varous airplanes and helicopters and landing on aircraft carriers and shooting people in grocery stores and driving an old R.V. that someone left parked unlocked with the keys still in it in downtown Philly during a zombie siege, that’s how.  (Stop whining and suspend your silly disbelief or you won’t know what to do when the time comes.)  

 

I will tell you.

 

You fly on a jet liner to Wales to get to the World Health Organization and by golly if the whole airliner turns into zombies, you throw a grenade to pop open a little zombie sucking window and strap yourself in for the crash.  Then you walk away from the crash with the Israeli army officer whose hand you cut off, where the zombies evidently bit her, to save her life, and you limp into WHO HQ and they remove the piece of metal that went straight through you and made you look like one of those cowboy hats with an arrow in the head.  They find your UN phone and find out everyone thought you were dead.  OH MY GOSH.  He couldn’t die; he’s Brad Pitt.

 

Without any research basis whatsoever, and no knowledge of microbiology, immunology or anything, not even Anatomy and Physiology 228 which I am currently taking, Brad Pitt and the team of smart people figured out, but mostly BRAD PITT, figured out that zombies don’t bite people who are already dying.  The answer is, and you don’t have to send me any money at all for this, unless you want to.  You can if you want to.  They needed to break into the room in the World Health Organization that has all the viruses and bacteria in little bottles and inject themselves with enough of something to kill them and then the zombies will leave them alone.  Brad Pitt called it camouflage.  That is pretty smart to think of killing yourself to protect yourself from the zombies.  I can tell you now that I want a RBZ (Rejected By Zombies) t-shirt under my Christmas tree.

 

They had to test it out so Brad sneaked through to the Zombie Zone in the WHO offices and labs and shut himself in the storage area with the said terrible disease vials.  He injected himself and waited until it was rushing through his entire bloodstream enough to cause Zombies to reject him.  This took probably 60 seconds, give or take about 10 seconds.  He opened the door and let a single zombie in to test his theory.  The zombie sniffed him and walked away.  Because it was a Tuesday afternoon, there were only 4 of us in the room, none of whom I knew, I laughed really loud to relieve the tension.  I was just so so glad that Brad was not going to turn into a zombie; he was just going to die.

 

I know that you too are relieved about that.  Very relieved.  

 

I did not tell you all the details of the movie, but I will tell you two very important zombie facts so that you can be ready for the apocalypse.

 

Zombie Fact #1 is that zombies are attracted to loud noise.  You can use this in your favor to attract zombies if you are Brad Pitt or you can learn to be quiet and stay just a little safer.

 

Zombie Fact #2 is that zombies do not corner well.  Every time that they ran down the halls or streets or stairwells in groups, the lead zombie seemed to take quite a bit of abuse for going too fast on the corners.

 

I am not going to tell you the end of the movie.  I am going to tell you something even better:  if you go to the Reel Theater on Overland on Tuesdays, you can get in for a buck.  I felt that this movie was worth $1.

 

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2 Responses to “World War Z – a movie review”

  1. SprinklerBandit Says:

    This is hysterical!!

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