Life Lately

Life Lately

Last week started well. An unknown to me lady at church prayed for me to have God’s favor on my life. Suddenly, it seemed everything went extraordinarily well. I got not just a raise, but a retroactive raise. I had heard my company did not even do that anymore. I got an A+ on an Ethics test. I had never gotten an A+ in anything at the college level to the best of my knowledge. My school does not even give pluses or minuses.

In the midst of this the waves began rolling; a little girl that we had all been praying for for two years died of Wilm’s tumor. Ten years old. Devastating. It was not just the loss of a precious little life, but the feeling of “Why, God?” that went with it. We don’t know. All of those empty blanks and unchecked spiritual boxes and prayers filled with tears and grief swirling like a dark cyclone in my gut. Then, a young respected friend of our family committed suicide. Then, in the same week, a beautiful young woman, another friend of our family was found with no head in an isolated farmer’s field. First it was supposed a murder, and then it was decided a suicide. Either way, she is gone. She is not coming back. We got the news in a hand written letter from her heart broken grandma who apologized for not calling because she could not talk without crying.

In the same batch of mail came a letter informing me that my/our health insurance from work was suddenly cancelled without warning. To buy COBRA insurance would cost pretty much everything that I make in a month. I felt unimportant, lost and small.

I spent a night without any sleep until the hour before the alarm went off. It was time to get up and go to school.

Our experience should not define our theology. These are stories of real and heavy grief which people close to us are living through, real nightmares. Sometimes though, in the midst of our grief, we can allow God to restate and redefine who He is. He tells us who He is through His word to us, the Bible. Within its pages, He gives Himself and sometimes other people give Him names, especially in the Old Testament.

I found one that is new to me today: He is My Stay. He is My Stay especially when I am confronted by doubts for which I have no answer other than the character of God.

Psalm 18:18 They confronted me in the day of my calamity,
But the Lord was my stay.


2 Responses to “Life Lately”

  1. SprinklerBandit Says:

    But dawn is always the hope of man.

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