Not doing that anymore

I keep thinking that I will not be a person who is frequently motivated by guilt and duty, and then I am motivated by guilt and duty again. It is a vicious and stupid cycle because I am duty bound to perform, do not enjoy performing and then I am angry that I performed at all. I need to find a way to stop doing this. I think it all comes to a head over personal identity and perceived value and my concept of who God is and what He expects.

A counselor told me once that to break this cycle, I have to understand that the first time you do the right thing, in fact, the first of many times of doing the right thing, it will not ‘feel’ right. It will feel awful, like you have just made a huge mistake and the payday for this will be onerous. He said that you just have to keep telling yourself the truth and push through the feelings of false guilt. Eventually, doing the right thing for the right reason and telling yourself the truth will actually feel right, but not initially.

What do you think God expects?

To do justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your God leaves a lot open to interpretation.

I feel burned out and exhausted at simply the very thought of whatever is church.

Ever been there? What did you do about it?

 

 

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