The Les Schwab Contest

It all started with a visiting speaker at church who preached from Psalm 73 about how it is not good to take your focus off of the Lord and envy people who do not give a rip about the Lord, but never have bad things happen to them.

My tire went flat, my husband had to be admitted to the hospital, a tree branch as big as an actual tree fell on my house in the middle of the night, the light which I cannot reach without nearly breaking my neck on the basement steps went out, my husband had to be transferred to another hospital, I decided to withdraw from school because I could no longer keep up and scary unnamed things happened at the hospital.

The moral of the story is that God is good, and it is all working out just fine thank you very much.

However, today I worked my second night shift and before going home to sleep, went to an important appointment for medical things with my husband. (Interpret that as,  “Woman is seriously lacking sleep.” Truly, at the end of the appointment I was loopy.) When I woke up later from a four hour nap, I realized that I really needed to get it in gear while my car tire was inflated and get it repaired.

All of that was just setting the stage for the embarrassing thing I am about to tell you.

Les Schwab has free popcorn in their waiting area. I was only in the waiting area because each of the tables had at least one occupant, and I wanted to read. I took the corner seat in the television/coffee/popcorn area. I put my purse and book bag beside me to discourage anyone from sitting close by. These are tricks that all introverted book readers know and practice. I am not ashamed.

A woman came in and sat down about 5 seats away. She had a bag of popcorn. At this point the previously unannounced paper bag rattling contest began. This woman made more continuously annoying noises with that small paper bag than I would have imagined was even possible. The coup de gras was that her ring tone was country music. The twangy kind. She could not find her phone. At least she was done with her popcorn.

In my sleep deprived state, I forgot my phone. Enter contestant number two. I filled a paper bag with popcorn and proceeded to do my absolute best to make the most noise that would be humanly possible to make with an agenda of somehow possibly, maybe irritating the woman who was down the row from me. Eating the popcorn was not important to me at all. I was looking to score in the sound category. In order to have almost continuous sound, I had to keep rotating the bag. Even with my childish unashamed competitiveness, I could not make as much noise as contestant number one in either length of time or depth of reverberation.

I came away with this satisfaction: she will never know that she won.

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